Familiarity

I want you in that-
‘this is really scary’
kind of way

in that
‘I want you so so so bad,
I could hardly even begin
to tell you about it’
way

I’ve come to want you so much
that even a dream without your face
seems lonely
Because you’re home to me,
Or at least you should be…

You’re front door
straight into living room
Leading to the kitchen
with counters we sat on,
spent our lives talking around...
I want the sound
of floor boards creaking,
and old staircases
that whisper like guests come night time…
Of windows that don’t open well,
But that you've learnt to crack
With fingers tricks
that make things smoother
than WD40 could.

I want the cradle that is my arm
to know warm skin again,
To know the way children pretend
life is exactly what they want from it
I want you-
Because I’ve needed
to alter my definition of mother
Because I’m learning
to live with little more
than memory of father,
Because you were certainly
never a brother
I shudder,
at that thought.
Because I miss my sister.

I want you back,
Image the home movie of when I was too young to remember
told me I once had
The way I once knew to live with you
To love you
To live by you…

I want to see the comfort in blood ties
and slightly bruised finger,
from years of having the same one on.

There are too many things
missing from the picture
And the mantle
has been collecting dust,
Abandoned, empty
Of base
Of bonds
Of giant boulders of strength
I want it all,
The image of family