shame like this

There is such thing as beautiful shame
I cant stop thinking of her telling me
‘this is an honest shame’
As though in that moment
her truth had felt every callus
on every lover we had had before then.
There are stories here
Laying, unwritten,
on skin that has seen love come and go
Skin that knows the value of what it holds –
I am but a shield, it says
Wrap yourself in me, and i will protect you.
Wrap yourself in me, and i will become you.

There are children waiting by the sea's edge
Their sanbox spans deep and glorious
they are like us,
waiting for blue tides to carry memories further away,
But always back in
Always back in
Always back in.
I have been swimming,
Submerged in honesty
As though to redeem myself
‘Look here, see my weakness before you, and make love to it’
I know its not easy to cherish
But it is here regardless
Your mouth rests gently along my apologies
Swallowing them whole
Telling me in return, that you are not foreign
Telling me in return, not to be ashamed
I have named the breaks and bruises that line me
Their meaning vanishing before you like their sincerity
You can point them all out now,
You know how to touch them so that it doesn’t hurt.
You are beautiful
But the worst part
Is that you are also lovely
Tell me,
Have you felt, shame like this?
I want to make it feel better
Make it feel natural
I want you to be well acquainted,
So that when it reaches you again,
There is no fear there.
Beware only of those who don’t deserve to know of it.
I want to hold your cheeks in my hands
Kiss your open palm
And tell you
I can hold yours,
Because thanks to you - I
don’t feel mine anymore.

A Question

(Know that I will rarely post other poets work)

A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth.

-Robert Frost-

East of Eden

You argued that the map pointed east
That we had been here before
And it was certainly no treat…
I know, I said.
I know.
I know how rainy Sundays aren’t always soothing
-How your laugh lines can look forced
But the west coast has given us freedom
And I may be the first one to leave
When this city can’t hold you anymore,
But I will always come back.
I will always argue that no smell like the ocean
Can make me feel at ease,
And the people on the streets here
Don’t all look like they are alone/
Our daybreak tilted an hour glass
-I feel the grinding as our time slides out-
-You can feel the friction
As I subtly escape your arms… -
I know,
I know it wasn’t easy when I went east.
So now, I am home
And I am one of those people on the streets,
It’s funny how without you I don’t look as alone
The phone has started ringing on a regular basis again
And I wake up when the sun shines through my window
I feel like the widow to a city that died for me some time ago
Don’t believe all the hype about new York
I’ve been trying to write this piece for months now
Trying to decide
How I could find the words to say
I don’t miss it anymore
That the shore line took me back
Graciously
And for this I will be grateful
There is a man here
whos smile is more honest than any i had ever seen
he is more than part of the scenery...
I am grateful.
Vancouver
you are beautiful….

sail boat stories (ten hours of my life)

I kissed her,
And I cant say I didn’t mean to
I did.
I knew exactly what I was getting into.
I kissed her and suddenly 1 am turned 11 am,
and she was still there.
When i found her lips, I wasn’t thinking of you.
I am always thinking of you.
Maybe that’s why
It worries me,
the time you spend running circles in my mind
leaving me with empty ovals
in the shape of question marks, and arms
It worries me
How well you go through the motions
It worries me
That you don’t understand
the way I live emotions
But I wouldn’t expect you to.
Just forgive me
Please
For the lips that parted post-coffee
For the night that started with sangria,
And the knowledge that you were far away.
Forgive me, for being selfish, imperfect
Imperfect enough to hurt you.
thought maybe not as much as i thought i could.
maybe you dont feel, quite as i do
Forgive me,
Because I panicked,
when I told you I loved you
you know I have love for you
But these things are not the same.
I have so much love.
And I know,
I wasn’t meant to share it with her.
But I did.
Forgive me.

bread crumbs

You’ve always known me best
Rest your head to my chest
And breathe.

It’s a shame
That no one else can know you
No one else can hold you
The way we hold each other

Like the last threads of fidelity
A sort of twisted virginity
That we insist on clinging to
Like pigeons to the bread crumbs
They have come to depend on.

the sound of sleepless beginings

i hear pins drop and think of you
their tip seems to be hitting some perfect apex of sound
some kind of crystal clear 'just enough'
this is the stuff that keeps me awake at night
imaginary sounds and narrations provided by myself

clearly things arent as sharp at the moment
clearly the answers aren't letting me lull into certainty
but i seem to be ok with that
because on the nights i cant sleep
you stay up with me
and you can guarantee at some point
ill make forts out of these bed sheets
and tell you i need to hide,
or maybe i need a story

regardless
at least im not afraid
to ask for these things

im listening to something
...

subtle sounds of dropping,
of falling ...
or the answers between the lines
of which tale you chose to tell;
i fell into one of them
on a night that i needed escape more than ever
and dreams just wouldnt come to me

but im not sure you knew that
not sure you knew the heavy reasons
i can no longer say i sleep ten hours a night
( yes, i really did used to )

but i am sure you dont need to.
maybe its enough to tuck myself in
or on lucky nights, let him.
maybe its enough,
that she will be here
on my second night in a new home
and my first, will be alone.
the way you enter a place
and the way you leave it
are never the same,
save that.

all in all i come full circle
when i wake in the morning
i am more hopefull
than ever.
and its summer
so the sun is bright these days,
there to reasure me,
that im right.
and this stays with me all day
until late, late at night

- these questions can wait
another 20 odd hours
before revisiting me
before i try once more
to sleep