Bone Bruises

It's strangely still
It doesnt feel like it happened in this room
like these walls are doomed
to repeat history,
but they must be.
if you pushed your way [back] BACK
into the role you played when i was a child
tonight
i feel numb
strangely distant, detached
from the images of two hours ago
and ten years ago
replaying in my mind.
I guess its a good sign
because back then
i couldnt have taken my pen
in hand
this man,
has left bruises down to my bones
helped me discover the meaning of colour
as i traced this skeleton with rainbows
...
it's easier for me
to think about how it happened
than who i was afterwards
i dont know that woman
i just know that i dont want to be her
but this time,
you seem to have gotten us confused
whatever you were using me for back then,
you've used it all up.
leaning hard against my door I told you stop,
and it wasnt just a request.
this time,
these bones are mine,
and these memories will be too.
I want them to have nothing to do with you...
not the taste of your kitchen knives,
clenched fists or empty eyes
...
I tasted steel tonight
for the first time in a long time.
The setting had back tracked
and slipped through the cracks
of all the yesterdays between now
and when this was my life,
when the soft edge of a knife
was the only thing i found myself in bed with
were i to stay here,
i would have to kiss
the back of my womanhoods head
and send it on its way
to be degraded
youve underestimated
my power..
my pride is no longer something
i can part with.
if you push on this door again
be prepared for the shade of my own fist.