Stream of counsciousness

Im resting comfortably with the vaguely acknowledged presence of a pebble..
some large pebble that sits inside me , just bellow the surface,
bellow skin and bone and blood ties.
The comfort is one ive lulled into
after acknowledging the recurring pattern ive led myself to.
You see for a while there I felt torn apart,
like the pieces of me I needed couldn’t bring themselves to touch together
with the half that was lost, and in pain.
There was this gap that couldn’t be crossed with word bridges
or the sentence trails my friends were leaving me ….
But I had seen that feeling before.
Just never gotten a front row seat to one that was quite as far out of my control you see
its starts as a gaping fissure,
coming into itself until it is but a mere crack...
and then that crack pushes in in an attempt to make itself smaller
and ends up resting in our ribcage as a hole the size of a rock,
that you know, with time, will turn back into the large hole it was
before you got yourself into the arms
that cause the expanding fissures in the first place.
I guess this is the best stage to be in.
the furthest from heartache,
the furthest form accumulating regret and making mistakes.
I can live with a pebble in my chest